Gendered violence

As someone who has worked across many systems and services including child protection and education and worked closely with police, I was interested to watch the Netflix series Adolescence — and it certainly did not disappoint.

One of my instant reflections — this is probably as close to reality a series has got when it comes to how young people are interacting with each other, the reality of a modern family dynamic, and the gendered drivers of family violence in society, particularly when we're talking about young boys and girls.

What has happened with technology advancement over the last decade is that we have slowly engineered a society that is lonely — a result of technology advancing quicker than society can understand how to manage resulting behaviours.

What does that look like when we were talking about children and adolescents learning about a world where there are no limits in technological reach and no sense of genuine connection, and where do they fit in and adapt to it?

I remember when I was growing up, the blue Ethernet cable being plugged into our family phone and my siblings and I having a turn of the internet on the desktop computer placed in a communal area of the house. Now, it's all wireless, all access all the time allowing anyone in. We have seen manosphere influencers names and content pop up all the time. I hear from peers, professionals and parents about Andrew Tate and his hate, which is something we should be shielding kids against.

But it’s too late.

People like him already have children in their hands, right now.

I think it's really important that we get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Something I haven't really heard people talk about much is how does the online world look for a 13-year-old whose reality is completely distorted.

I am going to call it — it looks awesome! It looks like Lamborghinis, it looks like pricey cigars, it looks like getting any girl that you want if you have enough wealth and ‘alpha male’ vibes that can dominate and control.

This simple access to explicit material means the first sexual experiences for young boys is through watching adult content. As such, there is a distorted perception and false visual of consent, relationships and respected boundaries created. All boys see and learn is domination, control and the message that what they want is what they deserve.

What does this do?

It creates hostility towards girls and women's autonomy. It fosters a sense of entitlement, whether it's in relationships or sexual interactions. It normalises dehumanising language and dominance and violence. It reinforces male superiority. Overall, it undermines equality and respect.

We have to look at where accountability is at in contexts that are portrayed in series like Adolescence. Accountability is collective. It’s not only in the home, it’s also the community around the individual, services that may support families, as well as the justice system. We all hold a part in the responsibility of supporting and nurturing the growth and appropriate development of young children and young people.

I spent six years in education supporting young people and have remained connected with my educator peers, who report they're completely inundated with requirements and a growing expectation of what they need to do as educators of young people.

How do we expect a setting like education to support accountability when the basic delivery of education is under so much stress and pressure?

After watching Adolescence, I needed to just chill out and watch something lighter with my wife. So we put on a romance movie based on a book written by a female author. In one of the key romantic scenes, the brother tells the male lead something along the lines of ‘go show his romantic interest how much she means to you and “don't take no for an answer”.

At that moment, when I was meant to be unwinding, I became incredibly frustrated. Here was what was meant to be a depicted romance, but it had so much coercion and nonconsensual control framed as passion or loving hard, it was, in reality, just code for ‘don't respect boundaries’.

There is the in-your-face content and stimuli that the media highlights such as manosphere influencers and series like Adolescence that create conversation and debate. But there is also resources and access to information that may seem innocent, like this romantic movie that is potentially just as harmful. Such subliminal messaging passively and unconsciously drives gendered drivers of family and domestic violence that the sector is trying to interrupt to reduce domestic violence.

So much of this is scary to me, not only as a professional in the field but also a father, and I am sure the Adolescence series has made others feel the same.

So, what do we do?

Well, I suggest the next time you're watching a movie and you see something sinister disguised as romance or love, simply ask your child — ‘hey, do you see anything wrong with that?’

Being aware, having the conversation and making children think is a way to explore resistance to the information they can so easily interpret what is causing so much damage and harm to our communities everywhere, around the world.

Adolescence isn’t just a great series, it is a starting point to change and a call to action for us all as a united effort to address the drivers of gendered violence.

Marcus Tawfik is Senior Manager of Practice & Development for The Salvation Army Family and Domestic Violence services.

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