A Franc chat about money

The conversation you have with yourself 

The first and most important conversation you have is the one that goes on inside your own head! The voice can say positive things, like: “Ok this looks tricky but I’m a good problem solver so I’ll find a solution.” Or negative things, like: “I’m hopeless, I always mess up.” Your self-talk is incredibly powerful. It can help you, or sabotage you.

Activity:

1. What are some things you say to yourself about how you manage your money? E.g. I never know the best way to manage my money; I wish I knew how much I should put away for my super.
2. List three things you do well in your money life, E.g. I always pay my bills on time; I shop around for insurance.
3. What one area would you like to improve in your money life?
4. For the area you listed in question 3, try to reframe your thinking into a positive thought or action. E.g. Original thought/statement: I feel out of control with my money. Reframed to: I am doing the best I can and I'm going to get some help from someone I trust who can help me handle things.

The conversations with others

Let’s face it: talking about money is tough! A recent survey found that nearly half of all Australians find it a difficult conversation to have – people feel ashamed they don’t have enough money, or they’re worried about being judged for having too much compared to others.

The hardest part is often knowing how to start a difficult money conversation. Scott Pape’s book 'The Barefoot Investor' has been an Aussie bestseller for years, and one of its main messages is simply to start talking about money. Set aside a regular, intentional time to talk to your partner or loved ones.

Preparing for money conversations

Here are some tips we have found helpful in having tricky money conversations, recognising that not everyone has close family or friends they can talk to about these issues. If that’s the case, come and talk to a financial counsellor at a service like Moneycare.

We want to give you a simple and effective tool for approaching a tricky conversation that helps to raise the issue without casting blame, with the aim of working together to find a solution.

This approach - I notice, I imagine, I feel - was created by Petrea King from her book 'Your Life Matters – The Power of Living Now.'

1. Who do you find it easy to talk to about money? Who do you find it difficult to talk to?
2. Is there a tough conversation about money that you need to have? Try using this technique to approach it:
   I notice...
   I imagine...
   I feel...

Partners and loved ones

Having the skills to navigate conversations about money within your own family is really important, because families are always interconnected.

Within a family money can be shared – for example a couple might pool their resources, or a parent might still financially support an adult child. Or there could be an expectation that money is shared amongst the extended family – perhaps regularly, or in times of trouble. So, it’s crucial that you know how to talk about money.

We know that silence about personal finances can be damaging. Silence can be a barrier that stands in the way of real authentic relationships with those you love.

When you approach a conversation about money, the first thing to be aware of is that everyone has different ways of thinking about money - and you’ll have a different money story to your partner.

Talking about money can bring up many different emotions for different people - worry, anger, guilt or joy. It can put someone on the defensive straight away.

Activity:

Money conversation starters. Pick your five favourite questions from the list below (or make up your own ones!) to help kickstart a conversation with a partner or loved one. You could write them on slips of paper and use them on the next money date night!

• If you never had to worry about money, what job would you want?
• Is “saving” a habit like looking both ways to cross the street? Should it be?
• If you found $20, would you try to find who lost it or would you keep it? What about $2,000?
• Is a credit card the same as cash?
• How do you define success?
• Would you prefer a gift card, a gift, or no ‘thing’ at all for Christmas?
• Do you share some of your money? How do you decide who to share with?
• Do you look at the EFTPOS total and check your receipts when shopping? Why or why not?
• Does money buy happiness? How long does happiness last?
• Do you lend - or give - money to friends? Family? Why or why not?
• If you won the lotto today, what would be the first 3 things you would do with it?
• Which word best describes your money habits – are you a spender, saver or sharer?
• How did your parents behave around money? Were they savers or spenders?
• Do we have equal say on how we use our money, no matter who earns more?
• How do you prioritise spending? What’s more important – travel, education expenses, furniture, buying a house etc?
• Should we have shared bank accounts? What expenses are shared, or individual?
• What are our retirement goals? How much do we need to live on?
• If a friend or family member asks to borrow money, I would… Discuss.
• What is ‘too much’ to spend without checking with your partner?
• What does being financially ‘comfortable’ look like to you?
• What happens if one of us has a break from work?
• Kids should have pocket money without doing any chores. Discuss.
• Do you plan to teach your kids about money?

The conversation you have with your children

When it comes to talking about money with children, parents often feel reluctant or unsure how to approach the topic. Here are our tips.

Open up: It doesn’t have to be a big conversation; in fact, the best way is to provide lots of opportunities for children to see you handling money and ask questions, meaning money becomes an everyday conversation.

Be honest: While it’s important to be age-appropriate in how much you share, responding truthfully to their questions and being open about the money decisions you are making is a great example for them to follow.

Show them the money: Use every opportunity to show children the physical ‘value’ of money and its uses of saving, spending and giving. One way to introduce this is through giving pocket money in return for completion of extra household tasks.

Toddlers and pre-school: Use a clear jar to make a piggy bank for savings that children can see, and talk about saving up for things you might want or need in the future. Food shopping is a great shared activity for talking with young children about money.

Primary school: As children get older, you can involve them in family money decisions, and give them responsibility to choose where they will spend their pocket money.

High school: Use the opportunities that come up in your teenager’s life, like major purchases (e.g. mobile phone) to talk about responsibilities and experience the financial consequences for decisions they make.

Adult children: We acknowledge that this can be a personal and complex area. This transition season is hard and can be a challenge to navigate. We encourage you to get support when needed.