PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS TO HELP YOU DEAL WITH THIS CHALLENGING ISSUE
Is your child being bullied or does your child bully others? We have many programs and activities that offer practical solutions and learning opportunities to help deal with this challenging issue.
Why Kids Bully
Kids bully for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control. Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case.
Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they’ve been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry, shouts, or calls names. Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness — people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent.
Signs of Bullying
Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be difficult to figure out if it's happening.
But there are some warning signs. Parents might notice kids acting differently or seeming anxious, or not eating, sleeping well, or doing the things they usually enjoy. When kids seem moodier or more easily upset than usual, or when they start avoiding certain situations, like taking the bus to school, it might be because of a bully.
If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find opportunities to bring up the issue in a more roundabout way. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and use it as a conversation starter, asking "What do you think of this?" or "What do you think that person should have done?" This might lead to questions like: "Have you ever seen this happen?" or "Have you ever experienced this?" You might want to talk about any experiences you or another family member had at that age.
Let your kids know that if they're being bullied — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult (a teacher, school counselor, or family friend), or a sibling.
If your child tells you about a bully, focus on offering comfort and support, no matter how upset you are. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed.
Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to.
Praise your child for being brave enough to talk about it. Remind your child that he or she isn't alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Emphasize that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together.
Sometimes an older sibling or friend can help deal with the situation. It may help your daughter to hear how the older sister she idolizes was teased about her braces and how she dealt with it. An older sibling or friend also might be able to give you some perspective on what's happening at school, or wherever the bullying is happening, and help you figure out the best solution.
At home you can lessen the impact of the bullying. Encourage your kids to get together with friends that help build their confidence. Help them meet other kids by joining clubs or sports programs. And find activities that can help a child feel confident and strong. Maybe it's a self-defense class like karate or a movement or other gym class.
And just remember: as upsetting as bullying can be for you and your family, lots of people and resources are available to help.
Here are five smart strategies to keep kids from becoming targets — and stop bullying that has already started:
- Talk about it. Talk about bullying with your kids and have other family members share their experiences. If one of your kids opens up about being bullied, praise him or her for being brave enough to discuss it and offer unconditional support. Consult with the school to learn its policies and find out how staff and teachers can address the situation.
- Remove the bait. If it's lunch money or gadgets that the school bully is after, you can help neutralize the situation by encouraging your child to pack a lunch or go to school gadget-free.
- Buddy up for safety. Two or more friends standing at their lockers are less likely to be picked on than a child who is all alone. Remind your child to use the buddy system when on the school bus, in the bathroom, or wherever bullies may lurk.
- Keep calm and carry on. If a bully strikes, a kid's best defense may be to remain calm, ignore hurtful remarks, tell the bully to stop, and simply walk away. Bullies thrive on hurting others. A child who isn't easily ruffled has a better chance of staying off a bully's radar.
- Don't try to fight the battle yourself. Sometimes talking to a bully's parents can be constructive, but it's generally best to do so in a setting where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate.
Teaching Kids Not to Bully
It can be shocking and upsetting to learn that your child has gotten in trouble for picking on others or been labeled a bully.
As difficult as it may be to process this news, it's important to deal with it right away. Whether the bullying is physical or verbal, if it's not stopped it can lead to more aggressive antisocial behavior and interfere with your child's success in school and ability to form and sustain friendships.
Understanding Bullying Behavior
Kids bully for many reasons. Some bully because they feel insecure. Picking on someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker provides a feeling of being more important, popular, or in control. In other cases, kids bully because they simply don't know that it's unacceptable to pick on kids who are different because of size, looks, race, or religion.
In some cases bullying is a part of an ongoing pattern of defiant or aggressive behavior. These kids are likely to need help learning to manage anger and hurt, frustration, or other strong emotions. They may not have the skills they need to cooperate with others. Professional counseling can often help them learn to deal with their feelings, curb their bullying, and improve their social skills.
Some kids who bully at school and in settings with their peers are copying behavior that they see at home. Kids who are exposed to aggressive and unkind interactions in the family often learn to treat others the same way. And kids who are on the receiving end of taunting learn that bullying can translate into control over children they perceive as weak.
Helping Kids Stop Bullying
Let your child know that bullying is unacceptable and that there will be serious consequences at home, school, and in the community if it continues.
Try to understand the reasons behind your child's behavior. In some cases, kids bully because they have trouble managing strong emotions like anger, frustration, or insecurity. In other cases, kids haven't learned cooperative ways to work out conflicts and understand differences.
Tactics to Try
Be sure to:
Take bullying seriously. Make sure your kids understand that you will not tolerate bullying at home or anywhere else. Establish rules about bullying and stick to them. If you punish your child by taking away privileges, be sure it's meaningful. For example, if your child bullies other kids via email, text messages, or a social networking site, dock phone or computer privileges for a period of time. If your child acts aggressively at home, with siblings or others, put a stop to it. Teach more appropriate (and nonviolent) ways to react, like walking away.
Teach kids to treat others with respect and kindness. Teach your child that it is wrong to ridicule differences (i.e., race, religion, appearance, special needs, gender, economic status) and try to instill a sense of empathy for those who are different. Consider getting involved together in a community group where your child can interact with kids who are different.
Learn about your child's social life. Look for insight into the factors that may be influencing your child's behavior in the school environment (or wherever the bullying is occurring). Talk with parents of your child's friends and peers, teachers, guidance counselors, and the school principal. Do other kids bully? What about your child's friends? What kinds of pressures do the kids face at school? Talk to your kids about those relationships and about the pressures to fit in. Get them involved in activities outside of school so that they meet and develop friendships with other kids.
- Sibling rivalry is common when brothers and sisters are competitive.
- Sometimes it can start even before the second child is born and continues as children grow and compete for everything from toys to attention.
- The way we resolve issues sets a strong example for children so if you and your partner work through conflicts in a calm and respectful way, you are providing the best role model for your child.
- Children need to learn how to solve their own conflicts.
- Only step in when necessary or they may expect you to help every time there is a problem.
Separation and Time Out
Having Fun Together
Anti Bullying Sayings and Quotes
Below you will find a collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous old anti bullying quotes, anti bullying sayings, and anti bullying proverbs, collected over the years from a variety of sources. Provided courtesy of www.wiseoldsayings.com
Each of us deserves the freedom to pursue our own version of happiness. No one deserves to be bullied.
The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice that he or she is weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a good person.
Mary Elizabeth William
Children should be able to live a life free from bullying and harassment and it is time that we all took a stand against this.
If people are trying to bring you down, it only means you are above them.
Bullying is cruel so don't act like a fool. Meaness is a sign of weakness.
They're not bullying you because of you, they're bullying you because of how they are.
Words have great power that could make or break others...so please be care with them.
I would rather be a little nobody, then to be a evil somebody.
I realized that bullying never has to do with you. It's the bully who's insecure.
Don't ever let anyone bring you down, define who you are or destroy your AWESOMENESS.
Don’t you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are.
Bullying is never fun, it's a cruel and terrible thing to do to someone. If you are being bullied, it is not your fault. No one deserves to be bullied, ever.
Stop Bullying. No one deserves to feel worthless.
What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life?
When you hold people up for ridicule, you have to take responsibility when other people act on it.
Some people won't be happy until they've pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away.
Bullying builds character like nuclear waste creates superheroes. It’s a rare occurrence and often does much more damage than endowment.
Zack W. Van
You will never reach higher ground if you are always pushing others down.
The Practical joker can be a funny guy, until he finds someone who doesn’t find him funny. Then the bully within him has identified a potential victim.
You always have to remember that bullies want to bring you down because you have something that they admire. Also, when you get made fun of - when people point out your weaknesses, it's an opportunity for you to rise above.
Bullying is the manifestation of an infantile and primitive need to become the leader of the pack. The modern day bully believes he is a human being, but he is an animal.
You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Bullying is killing our kids. Being different is killing our kids and the kids who are bullying are dying inside. We have to save our kids whether they are bullied or they are bullying. They are all in pain.
Bullies are always cowards at heart and may be credited with a pretty safe instinct in scenting their prey.
Anna Julia Cooper
Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.
Bullying is a horrible thing. It sticks with you forever. It poisons you. But only if you let it.
Bullying doesn't solve anything. Love does. Learning what love is will be the first step in turning all of this around.
If you let a bully intimidate you, he's going to do it again. You've got to stand up to these strong-arm tactics.
Bullying does much more damage than you'll ever know. When you have thoughts of bullying or doing or saying anything mean to anyone—don't do it, just let it go.
Words have power, and sometimes, they stay with you for life. It’s up to you to allow those words to define who you become.
Bullying is not gonna stop, but we can at least be confident enough to stand up to it.
Bullying consists of the least competent most aggressive employee projecting their incompetence on to the least aggressive most competent employee and winning.
Life is a ﬁght, but not everyone’s a ﬁghter. Otherwise, bullies would be an endangered species.
Aggressive, scowling and critical attitude in our relations, with our friends or subordinates, is another form of bullying.
If you can’t, continue to be nice to them. Eventually, they may start being nice. A bully wants to have friends, too.
Cara Van Ness
When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.
Faith and determination spares us from five evils: bullies, teasers, haters, mean-spirited people, and false friends.
Fighting means you could lose. Bullying means you can't. A bully wants to beat somebody; he doesn't want to fight somebody.
Bullying exists because of a lack of adult intervention.
Bullying needs to stop. When will people learn that it's not okay to be mean to someone just because you don't like how they were born.
A BULLY is someone who believes in Behaving Ugly, Looking Lame, Yelling Ignorance, and Needing Game.